Shock and Awe

Feb 4, 2006: the day I was diagnosed with DVT (deep venous thrombosis). One of the worst days of my life? Not sure that is the right way to describe it. But certainly one of the most challenging. It felt (and feels) like my life has changed forever.

I've decided to blog here to share some of my experiences, get things off my chest, and maybe even track my progress on meds and with changing some of habits that now need to go. (One of the big changes this experience has brought: I'm suddenly a person who needs to monitor her health carefully.)

I've read a fair number of forum posts and sites dedicated to DVT, and so far it seems I may be on the lucky side. I am not currently in intense pain from my DVT (and in fact am itching to exercise), and, while my leg is swollen, I've seen many postings with photos of much more dramatic swelling. (I'll spare you a photo of mine.)

On the other hand, the psychological effects I've experienced have been just as bad as anything I've read. The words "You have a blood clot in your leg, and we have to treat it or it could travel to your lungs and kill you" have a profoundly sobering effect. The first few days were like a freefall into depression. I don't know whether it was the news, or the combination of adjusting to the news, near immobility and the drugs (I take shots of enoxaparin and warfarin pills - more on this to come). It's about a week after my diagnosis, and I only now feel like I am getting some of my mental energy back.

The other big change is that I'm hyper-aware of every little twinge. Every teeny ache could be a blood clot breaking free and making a bee-line for my lung. Every tiny cramp is a new DVT. I measure my leg obsessively and every small change reignites my mental debate: Call the doctor! Don't be silly! Be safe not sorry! Don't be crazy! etc., etc. Urgh!

I've been reluctant to tell too many people about this condition, and I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe it's fear of aging, maybe it's fear of being thought infirm (not sure this is an illegitimate fear). Probably because I hate the idea of people worrying about me.

I should stop now. Sitting at the computer isn't the greatest, and I need to go get a blood test. More on this, the treatment I'm receiving, etc., next post.